Welcome To the Neighbourhood

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Wes' good deed

“Blackberries. Faaaaack!” Wes muttered to himself as he picked the thorns out of his palms, angry, but not angry enough to swear outright. Somehow, “fack” was never “fuck” to him, probably because it sounded more like a drawn out expression of malcontent and disbelief than a cuss word. He had just fought and lost a battle with what he thought was a small embankment while riding his mountain bike back to Kitsilano, the western part.

He was just returning from the café he made a point of visiting at least once a week. It was a step up from a rural coffee shop, and he enjoyed sitting by the window where he had a pretty good vantage point of people, women in particular, parking their cars to go to the beach, which hadn’t been as good as he remembered. He was always fortunate enough to come back to this city in the midst of a dry spell, but he was beginning think that he may not have been so fortunate at all. It had rained solid for the past month and not until today did he see the sun’s rays hitting the north shore.

He initially thought that a branch had snagged his courier bag mid-air, but further inspection of his pant-cuff revealed that his jeans had become snagged in the chain of his bike, sending him off his intended target and into a blackberry bush at the bottom of the muddy embankment. He now realized why so many people either tucked their right pant leg into their sock or wore those yellow reflective Velcro things he saw at MEC.

Wes had nothing against blackberries themselves; in spite of this unfortunate encounter he had always loved blackberry everything. Blackberry pie and blackberry frozen yogurt were always appreciated. But not Blackberries. Those were for pretentious pomos and dot-commies. He never understood PDAs, as he preferred to go analog with a Moleskiner and some index cards. He read about it on a blog somewhere.

Just as he picked the final thorn out of the fleshy pad below his thumb, he could sense someone behind him.

“Hey there!” a flamboyant and effeminate voice screeched before he had a chance to turn around.

“Uh, hello”

“I’m Corey, but my friends call me Queen Corey. Mmmmhmmm.” Said the dark-skinned man as he snapped his fingers like some sort of a diva.

“K…..”

Wes looked at the man, who was short, slim and obviously a flamer. Wes immediately ran through his exit options from this strange situation.

“So, are you from out of town?” Corey asked.

“Yes. From Alberta. How could you tell?”

“Queen Corey knows, honey”.

Wes tried not to laugh, but Corey was talking a mile a minute. He was from Jamaica, was bisexual and HIV positive, Wes found out. Corey was in his mid-thirties and had trained in the National Ballet of Canada, but was now a recovering heroin addict and pulled tricks to get by.

“Listen, I’m kind of embarrassed about asking you this.. but….”

“Sorry dude. Not interested. At all.”

Corey gasped, feigning outrage, but smiled.

“Oh you thought…. Well, I must say that I’m a professional and that I never mix business with survival. I have never done this before, but would you happen to have some spare change so I could get some milk and eggs? I haven’t eaten in two days and….”

“Oh, well, hold on man.”

Wes thought about that Bible verse about how Jesus said something like “I came unto you seeking food, water, a blanket, and you never gave unto me. Depart from me. I never knew you”. He rarely gave money to people who sat outside gentrified chain stores, hoping that people would heap pity on their half-assed calls of “spare change man?”. But if someone asked for the basics – food, water, clothing or shelter, Wes would step up to the plate and do whatever it took. He was good that way. Deep down, he felt that encounters such as these were tests from the Almighty. Plus, if he paid the guy enough money, he wouldn’t have to put others at risk of HIV transmission, Wes figured.

“Here you go, Corey. Knock yourself out!” he said, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.

“Oh, you just made my week! ThankyouThankyouThankyou…” Corey gushed as he tucked the twenty dollar bill into his black leather purse.

Wes stepped back to avoid getting hugged or something.

“I gotta get going” said Wes as he hopped on his bike. His good deed for the day was done, and he had to go home and scrub his hands. They had open cuts on them, afterall, and Wes was paranoid about stuff like that. Nevertheless, while Corey met every stereotype of a gay man the media had instilled in Wes, he realized that the guy was human, and obvioulsy in need of social contact.

"Later, Corey"

"Laterrr!"

Friday, May 27, 2005

Wes and Yoga

She was right, the barista with the dark eyes and the mocking tongue. It did taste like warm ice cream. Still, I can't bring myself to throw away the $4.63 worth of curdled milk. I still don't understand why people keep drinking this crap, but there must be something to it, or why would everyone else be holding the same cups? I'll figure it out eventually.

I'm late for my yoga class. My old high school buddies would laugh if they could see me, with a too-tight tank top and trendy little jogging pants. You know, the kind without the elastic at the bottom. Elastic isn't hip; the lady at Lululemon assured me of that. I can't blame my old buddies, these days I'm getting more male attention than female. It doesn't help that my yoga class is in the middle of Davie Village... aka, Gay Central. I'm a little uncomfortable around here, but I try not to show it. I'm trying to be more enlightened, ever since I was having drinks with my landlord and he told me the biker chick next door was gay. Okay, so knocking over my rye wasn't the most graceful response.

Too bad, though. She's pretty hot. I'm told that "you just haven't found the right cock" isn't a good pickup line for dykes. Wonder what might work better?

I can't get sex off my mind. If you went to my yoga class, neither would you. Have you seen these women? These perfect little tight bodies in their perfect little tight shorts? I think that's why I still go. It can't be so that I can make my body into the perfect Eagle pose, that's for sure. Look ma, I'm a bird.

I've got my mind on another type of bird, thanks.

There's one particular girl, I usually position myself behind her. This way, I can watch her in the mirrors, and it looks like I'm watching myself. She's something else. A lot of the women in my class have that sweaty, disheveled look afterwards. Not her. Every blonde hair is still perfectly placed, her little pink lips still exquisitely made up. She usually wears these ultra-short shorts and a sports bra that usually only look good on mannequins, but on her... I just want to bend her over her yoga mat and well, you get the idea.

I really should try to get her name first. Maybe offer to buy her a latte.

By the time I get to class, the spot behind her is taken. I glare at the skinny dude with the blonde-tipped hair behind her, and find an unoccupied spot far behind her, and well to the left. No staring at her today, it would be too obvious. I've missed the first 10 minutes and worry briefly about pulling a muscle. Gently resting my latte next to my mat, I join the class with a perfectly executed Eagle pose. Damn, I'm good.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Lee's Roommate

Sometimes Jill didn't give two shits about her neighbours. Most of the time she tried to stay out of the way, but sometimes, she really could care less about what Jackista, the old biddy, or Les, the urban cowboy, thought of her.

And when she heard her phone ringing at the end of the hallway her giant boots made crashing thuds all the way down; each door getting a louder thump than the last. Her next-door neighbour Lucy, or Landy, or Lettuce, would have heard the heavy metal door crash into her wall as Jill burst through her entryway and threw her helmet on her couch.

huff"Hello?" huff "Gurpreet! No, I haven't heard from Mark." huff "Really? Where?" huff "When did she get back?" huff "I haven't heard from her, either." huff "That's very odd, indeed." littlehuff "Sure, where are we going tonight?" inaudiblehuff "Sounds good. I'll just get changed and I'll meet you guys down there."

Jill hadn't seen Edith Brennan in over a year. Last time it was at some house party of Mark and Lee's. As she got changed, she contemplated where Edith might be, if she had moved back into the old house on Cherry Street or if she had found somewhere else. She kind of disappeared last year when she moved to Prince Edward Island in the summer. No email, no calls. Just vanished. And then she reappeared. Only to Mark and gave no indication as to where she is now, except that she was in the Buy-Rite parking lot the other day.

Very strange, she thought.

Barrista

I'm a barrista. Actually, I don't know if I'm a barrista. That might be trademarked. But it sounds better than "coffee maker".

I bitch about the work to my friends, co-workers and even my parents, but I secretly love it. I thought I would be sick of the smell of fresh ground coffee, but it gets better every day. I thought the "just above minimum wage" was going to kill me, but it hasn't yet. I thought I'd hate my co-workers and loathe the finicky regulars, but those are my favourite people. The finicky regulars have character. I know a handful by name; an even larger number by drink.

I have to say I fancy the Double Shot Latte with Vanilla man the most. He's trying in his own way to fit in with the latte crowd, but there is no way you're going to get him to drink something that doesn't taste like coffee. When he realized no amount of shots will cure a latte, he asked me how to fix it. I told him to stop trying to get it to taste like coffee and more like warm ice cream. He laughed at the idea and at least once a week he's in getting his Double Shot Latte with Vanilla.

Last week I got personal with him. We're not forbidden from being friendly and we've been given permission from the head cheeses to flirt with whomever we fancy. His name? Wes.

"As in Wesley?"
"Naw, just 'Wes'."
"How long have you lived here?"
"Do I look out of place?"

Turns out he's "one of them thar good ol' boys" from farm country. Tried to check his temperature about me, but I was shut down by my co-worker shouting "Double Shot Vanilla Latte". He always says it wrong.

Delta Smith

When I got the call, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. My eldest brother, his wife and children were in Italy, the next oldest brother and my nephew were in Greece staying with a cousin and my older brother was at sea.

It was only on my way home from work, trapped in the snarl of traffic that I realized that finding out what happened to my mother was far more important than editing my peers' reports. With nothing packed, no one notified and no one to keep me there, I was at the airport buying a ticket at the counter for YVR. It wasn't the first and it won't be the last impulsive action I have taken.

I spent my in-flight hours reading the magazines that were provided. Full page ads for Shangri-La condos and golf courses in Mexico caught my eye. My mother loved Mexico. She wanted to live in a high-rise. Even the jewelry with absurd engravings of roman numerals reminded me of my mother.

My parents were married in the fall, maybe October, of 1961. She was 21 and he was 35. Her family had emigrated from Greece when she was 4, his maternal grandfather was Métis, the rest of the lineage was European-Canadian, Heinz 57 Varities. I was the youngest and the most planned. My father wanted a daughter and my mother kept trying. After Endre, Linus and Nemo came Delta. My mother named me "fourth" to remind him of her efforts.

I wasn't surprised to have landed in the midst of rain. I had never been to Vancouver, but the atmosphere made me feel like I was destined to be a Dick Tracy or a Sherlock Holmes. Only in search of my mother's whereabouts.

A cab took me to 344 North Avenue, somewhere in the city. My mother's apartment was there, and I was to meet with a Mr. Keith Prosser in regards to the keys and lease. Instead I met with a sign on the manager's door that read:

"On a break
Be back in 5"

My doubts ran high. I stood in the hallway and stared at the green and gold tiling that my mother probably ignored. Unlike her, I had the opportunity to count the tiles. The mailboxes provided some distraction as I searched for "J. Smith" or "Jocasta" or anything that would signal that I was at the right building. Privacy was noted by all those with the family name "Occupied". Not seeing her name, I had to assume she had joined the cult, too.

A man in his 30s came around the corner and tipped his hat at me. I echoed a hello with a nod of my head. I searched his eyes for signs of a Prosser. He went out the front and remained one of the "Occupied"s.

A younger woman stood outside the door fumbling for her keys in her bag. I reached for the door to let her in and she stared at me sternly.

"You shouldn't let just anyone in."

"I didn't. I let someone who was looking for her keys in. I'm sorry."

She stuck her nose, in the most clichéd manner, upwards, checked her "Occupied" box and stormed towards the stairs.

Is it a wonder how a woman could go missing from this apartment? No one wants to know each other aside from minimal acknowledgment. I'll have to start organizing something so we can start looking after each other's neighbours. I should probably let work know I'm unlikely to come back in the next couple weeks.

"Ms. Smith?"

"Mr. Prosser?"

"You look very much like your mother."

Jacob (Kapel) Seiler


From: Jacob S. {speedpeddler1@gmail.com}
Sent: May 11, 2005 10:17:12 PM
To: EZRA H. SEILER {e_z_seiler@hotmail.com}
Subject: Re: from the holy land

hey ezra,
I'm holding down the fort just fine, thanks for trusting me.
Actually, we broke up after the night she had a bad trip. She's with some guy from the suburbs now. Not too worried. There is a girl at one of my deliveries that wants to go out next week. Seems a little more stuffy than most, but then again, I see her at her work.
Got word from mom and dad. They're planning on heading west for chanukah this year. We won't be dealing with the whole family, again, it'll just be them and Deb for a couple weeks. And they won't be staying here. Dad has someone he knew from the university that he'll be staying with. Dr. Carlson?
Just wanted to give you the heads up, in case you get inspired to stay on longer to avoid another holiday chaos. If you're not back for chanukah, I'm laying claim on your stuff.
Hope you're keeping safe and enjoying your time in Israel.

-Kapel


-------------------


From: Jacob S. {speedpeddler1@gmail.com}
Sent: May 24, 2005 11:14:45 PM
To: Cats Meow {har23blind_fur@hotmail.com}
Subject: order

65 - 25mg ephedra

$40?

-Jacob


-------------------


From: Jacob S. {speedpeddler1@gmail.com}
Sent: May 25, 2005 2:21:52 PM
To: Hymie Seiler {hseiler@yorku.ca}
Subject: Ezra

Ezra emailed me last weekend and he said he's coming back at the end of June. He wanted to know if I could take a week off so we could have some time in Toronto before he heads back here. I won't be able to make it. La Grande Baguette tends to get a lot of wedding orders at that time and I'm already short-shifting the courier gig to make sure I don't lose my job with LGB. Any help from home would be appreciated.
Tell Deb and Mom I say hi and that I am sorry I won't be able to make it out this summer.

-Kapel


-------------------


From: Jacob S. {speedpeddler1@gmail.com}
Sent: May 26, 2005 1:35:02 AM
To: Cats Meow {har23blind_fur@hotmail.com}
Subject: Re: order

New customer. $48 okay?

-Jacob


-------------------


From: Jacob S. {speedpeddler1@gmail.com}
Sent: May 26, 2005 2:43:19 AM
To: Hymie Seiler {hseiler@yorku.ca}
Subject: Re: Ezra

How am I supposed to go to school when I work two jobs? I just don't have the time for it.
I'm not going to abandon Ezra out here because you'll put me up again for school. I was lousy then, I'll be lousy now. I seriously doubt Ezra's moving back to Toronto when he gets back from Israel. And if he does, I'm not going to abandon the friends I've made here. And don't start about how they're "no-good, dead-end junkie bums". Not everyone is an academic.

I appreciate your concern, but right now I just want to enjoy my time outside of school. Can't you ever let up on "my path"? I'll find "my path" eventually. I don't see what getting on my case is going to help.

I'll see if LGB will give me the time off. The courier place is overstaffed, so they're not going to mind if I need the time. I doubt I'll get a week, but I'll try to get a weekend, okay?

-Kapel

Tessa Kinney

(from the television) "... exhale pressing to down dog, inhale to plank and then exhale back to down dog..."

"Ouch, SHIT",

Tessa Kinney is losing her mind slowly, however surely. She is a thirty-one year old woman who is pretty attractive in her own right, she's slight if anything and she doesn't really have to try. Regardless, she thinks she does and becomes increasingly exasperated with herself upon failed attempts at self-improvement. My prediction, too much spare time.

Her latest strategy has been yoga videos. The problem she has been encountering this time around is weak wrists. Years of laptop use have weakened her wrists and made some of the yoga postures uncomfortable for her. Truth be told, she's mostly just lazy. Her wrists would get better in time but she's really just looking for a way to get out of forcing herself to do the videos.

She does this every time. She used to ride a bicycle to work everyday and she stopped after only a few weeks claiming she smelled like sweat when she got there. In actuality she did smell a bit like sweat but she went to the gym in the same building as her office every morning before work anyway and showered there before she ever stepped foot inside.

Excuses, excuses.

"I want to die" she would ever so dramatically say to herself after every bag of chips, after every cookie, but she just continued to do as she always had done. She never really wanted to die, she just wanted her will power to work, or at the very least, for it to exist.

This latest round of self-delusion took a turn for the worst. Tuesday, in the lunchroom at work, Tessa ran into Jacob. Jacob was a bike-courier she knew from her apartment building. She was pretty sure he was into drugs but he had always seemed so docile and safe to her. One night she saw him in the hallway with a woman, a girlfriend she had assumed. The woman's face was covered with running mascara, she was looking at the floor and he was wiping her damp hair away from her eyes. She couldn't tell if they were wet and upset or sweaty and passionate but whatever they were they were alive and she couldn't remember feeling like that. It had been years since she had felt much of anything, short of self-pity. He turned and looked at Tessa, caught eyes for a moment and turned back to his lover. She fled the scene with haste.

She dreamt of him that night, and countless nights since. She couldn't explain it to herself. Maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was lust. Maybe, just maybe, it was a premonition.

Before she thought she spoke,

"Hi Jacob" and instantly her face was flushed with heat and red.
He turned to her, they met eyes and, "Oh hey, Tess right?", he said smiling.
"It's Tessa actually. Listen, I need to ask you something. I'm a bit embarrassed"
"Ok..."
"Um, Can you get pills?" not able to believe herself, how could she ask that?
"Yeah, sure. What are we talking about here? Vitamins!" he said with a smirk.
"Diet pills"
"Sure, yeah, I can get them for about a dollar a pop but it would take a couple of days" he showed confusion, or maybe surprise, with his eyes and burrowed forehead. She could never distinguish between the two expressions.
"Thanks, really. Thanks. Here's sixty-five dollars. I'll drop by on Friday to pick them up, ok?" She quickly put the money in his hand and turned to walk away.
"Tessa?" he called to her back.
"Yes?" she said turning to face him again.
They paused and held an awkward glance.
"... nothin', see you Friday."

She couldn't wait to see him again but she couldn't believe what she had done.

Jill Hudson

The voices were coming closer. Jill pressed herself closer against the cement pillar, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. She listened closely, trying to identify them. Ah. It was the redneck yuppie and his friend, not the landlord. She stepped out from behind the pillar, casually leaning against her silver '03 Ninja 600.

"Seen Keith?" she asked. Wes raised an eyebrow and looked at her curiously. They'd never spoken more than a polite hello in the lobby. Or at least, he would give her a polite hello, she would give him that porcelain stare that her face never seemed to crack from in return. In fact, he wasn't even sure he'd ever heard her speak before. This girl was definitely never the captain of the cheerleading squad. He shook his head and moved on. Jill let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, tucked her helmet under her arm, and walked towards the lobby.

Still cautious, she stepped inside the door, her armored leathers creaking with each step. Not the best outfit to wear when trying to move silently, she thought. She glanced at the managers office as she slipped by, willing it to stay closed. It didn't. Fuck.

"It's the fifth," Keith said dryly. Jill reached up and tucked a lock of her black and blonde hair behind her ears nervously.

"I'll have it by friday," she said in that rusty voice that sounded like she'd been raised on cornflakes and whisky.

"Every month, you're over a week late with your rent, Jill. This is getting fucking ridiculous." Keith was more surly than usual, Jill noticed. Hell, Keith being surly at all was unusual. He was a hardass when she was late paying her rent, but had never sworn at her before. Jill felt the old familiar temper rising. But before it had a chance to fully flare, there was a loud rapping at the door behind her.

She glanced over her shoulder, and felt Keith push past her to open the door for the police, her overdue rent forgotten.

Keith Prosser

The alarm clock in Jocasta Smith's apartment beeped from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. every morning for three weeks before the tenant next door found the nerve to knock on my door and ask me to check it out.

I've been a building manager long enough to know this can't be good.

"Sorry, what was that Edith?"

She stares up at me like a mouse asking a cat to pass the cheese.

"I said, at first I thought maybe someone was just on vacation? And forgot to shut off their alarm? But then I thought, what if something's wrong?"

Edith Brennan moved into the bachelor suite next to Jocasta's just under two months ago. I have never heard her speak in more than a breathy whisper. Every time I talk to her I start wondering if there's something wrong with my hearing. She also tends to end her sentences on a higher pitch, as though she's asking a question.

She looks like she's waiting for a signal to leave, standing there fidgeting with her sleeves.

"Don't worry," I sigh. "I'll check it out. I'm sure it's nothing."

Edith murmurs something that could be 'thank you' and scurries back to her apartment. I take a deep breath and follow her down the hall.

I've had this gig for five years now. I can handle the plugged toilets, the dripping ceilings, the periodic battles with roaches and ants. I can play the heavy when the rent's overdue and I can coax old Tony Tsui, who owns the building, to spring for a new dryer when the old one stops working. But oh God, I do not want to deal with this.

I lived in an apartment as a tenant once where someone died. The dead man's apartment and the two next to it were roped off as a biohazard. The next-door tenants were put up in a hotel for a month while all three suites were scoured clean by men and women in yellow hazmat suits.

The smell didn't respect the yellow tape. I don't know how far gone the body was. The sweet rot smell crawled into your nose and down your throat. If you breathed through your mouth you tasted it on your tongue. It's impossible to describe just how revolting it was. The reaction to the smell is hardwired into us: stay away, don't come close.

I'm at Jocasta's door. I knock, because despite all I am an optimist. Predictably, there is no answer. I sniff the air ... if Jocasta is in there, she's not ripe yet. There's a faint smell of cooking bacon and, oddly, cat piss. No pets here. One more thing to check out.

Enough delay.

I knock once more, for form, and turn the key in the door. I'm sweating and cold. The hair is standing up on my forearms.

"Jocasta? Are you here?"

But there's nothing. No one around. The apartment is immaculate except for one meal's worth of dishes drying in the sink and two wine-stained glasses resting on coasters on the coffeetable. I walk into her bedroom and turn off the alarm.

I wipe the sweat off my face with a sleeve and heave a big sigh. No calling hazmat this time.

Then it hits me: the door was unlocked. Who goes away for three weeks and doesn't lock her apartment? Who does all the dishes except for a couple of wine glasses, and yet uses coasters?

Not hazmat. Police. Damn.

Edith Brennan

Her mother told her that the Atlantic was her calling; it was not Edith's. At the time, Edith felt she had little choice but to pack her boxes. Mixed tapes, plastic dinosaurs, her movie posters. The room that would have inspired Jackson Pollack himself looked wilted within the week. And in four more weeks she was living out of a U-Haul with her mother for a glorious 6 days, 5 nights.

Within the year, Edith returned home. The apartment's smaller, the bathroom seems bigger and the stove does not work. Her childhood relics reside in the barn of the Noonans' back in Cardigan. Her mother remained at St. Andrew's Cemetery. She returned home, knowing she could be anyone she wanted. The only change she made was to start fresh.

She waited a few months before letting anyone know she was back, but even that was an accident. Avoiding her old stomping grounds, having Small Potatoes deliver, keeping public transit-free, working for a small accounting firm (the kind that exist on second floors between shops), and staying away from main streets proved successful for the first few weeks. Having lived in the region for her entire social life (kindergarten onward), not running into someone was an effort. But there will always be parking lots.

It seemed innocuous to Edith. He was the roommate of a former classmate that she had socialized with on occasion for the year prior to her disappearance to the abysmally small town. He recognized her immediately and had chased her down, leaving his shopping cart full and his trunk wide open.

“You’re back!”
“I am!” She was socially rusted and her desire to be left alone sounded harsher than even she would want. “I’ve been getting set up, again; starting fresh. You’re still around, I see? How is Lee?”
“Moved back after graduation. Was to be expected.”
There hits a point in conversations where it is to early to leave without a believable (true or false) excuse without looking impolite, but Edith wasn’t rehearsed enough for it and he wasn’t going away without an explanation for her quiet return. Grabbing the ends of her coat sleeves, she tried to find the watch she never wore or the comfort that she found in hems. Neither was there.
Just as Edith found the “Exit” sign: “So, when did you get back?”
“March,” She wanted to use her escape hatch, but the conversation was en route again.
“Fantastic! Seen anyone yet?”
“No.” (Except you.)
“A bunch of us are going out tonight, if you’re free.”
“I don’t know… I’m still getting set up.” (Not really. I’m working on a fabulous 2500 piece puzzle of kittens.)
“Still? Do you want me to stop by to give you a hand? Where are you two living now?”
“Where are you going to?” (It’s just me and I don’t think you’d enjoy the kitten puzzle.)
“Not sure. Want me to give you a call when it’s all set up?”
(Think. Should I lie about my phone not being in?) “Should you leave your groceries out like that?”
“Oh, shit. Hold on a sec.” (But I didn’t.)

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Character Sketch: Wes

Wes is new to the neighbourhood in one way; in other ways, he’s returned home. He has no idea why he moved back; he just moved for its own sake. He left the neighbourhood at the age of six years old when his family to northern Alberta to seek out better economic opportunities related to all that oil up there. His family raised him in typical Alberta fashion: on a farm, out of the way of “big city” influences such as drugs, crime and punks. Weekends were reserved either for church or traveling the snowy Alberta highways in a blue Oldsmobile station wagon en route to a hockey game in some other small town. In a personality test in one of his sister’s Cosmo magazines, he once used the words “curious, honest and sensible” do describe himself.

In his mid-twenties, he calls himself a “British Albertan”, and figures, jokingly, that if one wants to truly appreciate what the people of B.C. and Saskatchewan have accomplished with hard work and ingenuity, one has to move to Alberta. He likes Alberta beef, but still remembers what good salmon tastes like. To his disappointment, most of the salmon for sale in the neighbourhood stores is farmed and pumped full of hormones, just like the beef in Alberta. He doesn't like corporate farming and voted Green as a protest vote.

Wes is a “Non-cowboy” Albertan, meaning that he’s clean-cut, drinks Rye and prefers to ride a snowboard rather than a horse. Only slack-jawed yokels wear Wranglers, in his opinion. He has a weakness for whiskey and women and his strength is that he can hold both quite well. Generally, he thinks people are idiots and that they are getting more stupid as he gets older, but it’s really just because he’s getting older and his education has instilled in him a healthy sense of cynicism.

Although he’s changed quite a bit since he moved out of his parent’s influence, he still has plenty of adjustments to make before he can truly fit in with the rest of the residents of the neighborhood. They generally view him as a Redneck, no matter how many yoga sessions and lattes he takes in. He doesn’t realize, though, that imitating his own stereotypes of his neighbors isn’t what will make him “fit in” because the neighbourhood is a pretty diverse and accepting place. He’ll figure it out though.

Here's who's working on what ...

Members: leave a comment here if you want to lay claim to a particular character or plot progression so that we don't accidentally double up. Only do this if you're sure you're going to write it reasonably soon. Make sure you leave the date of your "claim" in the comment as well.

About this weblog

We are a group of writers who are collaborating on a series of short stories about the same pool of characters. Each of us writes in his or her own voice, and each has the power of God over the characters and plot while they are under his or her pen.

The stories that will appear here will vary in voice, tone and even genre. The only limitation we are giving ourselves is that we must respect the "histories" that have already been written about these characters.

We are aiming to create a loose patchwork of short tales. Each story should stand on its own, but taken together should paint a picture of a community. We have no control over what fates other members choose for our characters.

If you would like to join us, send an email to breebop [at] gmail.com. Please include a character sketch introducing someone new to the 'neighbourhood' and we will use that to judge whether you'll be a good fit here. You can feel free to bring in guest stars from other stories, and create relationships between your character and others'. Your character is "yours" in this first story, but after that his or her fate depends on the whims of the writer gods...